Suramya Pokharel - December 15, 2023
Here I am on this road again. I did decide not to return here, but my urge got the better of me today. I can definitely see why I used to love this way so much. The chilly atmosphere, the surrounding trees and the overwhelming tranquility. After the highway was made, cars rarely drive down this road, which definitely adds to its beauty and peace. And oh, here is the ledge! You can see the entire city, if you stand here. The sight is so very mesmerizing, right? All these lights twinkling amid the dark canvas of the bland city, just like the few remaining embers of the fire that had once flared so high in my heart. And talk of the evening, it certainly is beautiful, isn’t it? Ha! All this takes me back to those moments once more.
It was surely an unusual evening. Me returning home from college, walking down this road, all alone, was in no sense an aberration. What was an aberration, however, was that sweet chirp of a voice I heard behind me. “Can I walk with you too?” it seemed to say. I would be lying if I said I was not a little startled. I turned back and there she was, the bird that chirped. It was, however, not a face I had not seen, for we were in the same class in college.
“Sure!” I replied.
“Where do you live?”, she asked again with a smile that had never left her face.
“Umm... Uhh.. Near the station.” I replied, hesitatingly.
“Where do you live?” I asked her as well.
“Oh! Just behind the department store.” She replied pretty quick.
A silence ensued, for I was unsure how to continue the conversation until it was finally broken by her voice again.
“You are a puzzling character, aren’t you?” she asked.
I remained quiet, for that caught me with surprise.
“Its such a long road. Why not just go through the highway with everyone?” she continued. “And besides, haven’t you heard of the ghost that haunts this road?”
“Well, I must be the ghost then.” I replied.
She giggled at my reply, which made me kind of proud of my wit.
“Just don’t haunt me tonight, okay?” she jested.
“Nope, I definitely will.”
By then, we had reached down the road and our paths separated. We bid each other goodbye and went our respective ways. “Now, that doesn’t happen often.” I thought as I plodded towards my house.
Next day in college I found my gaze constantly diverting towards her across the classroom. She was just ordinary, talking to her friends, listening to the teacher like every other student. But she felt different when she joined me again that evening.
“Didn’t I tell you to not haunt me yesterday?” she said with a deadpan face.
“Do I look like someone who obeys?” I replied, playing along with her premise, which made her chuckle.
We talked the entire way down, or rather she talked the entire way down, up until we parted. My mind was clouded by her thoughts that night. Next day again in college, everything was just as it was, except for my head. All it could think of was if she would join me again this evening. And she did!
And that was how it went for a long time afterwards. No interaction in college, except for when our eyes met in the classroom or hallways, where she would subtly pass me a smile. And I, who until then had only ever longed for solitude, now always seemed to long for the evening to come and for her to shower me with her company.
The evenings were as colorful as ever. She would talk of the stars and the sky and the ocean and the trees. She would talk of the dog that just barked or the birds flying back to their nests. She would talk of how she fell this one time when she was a kid and got a bruise of the shape of a spoon or how she used to draw lines in the sand to play hopscotch. And all I could do was listen. All I wanted to do was listen.
She would also ask me to do tons of stupid things. Often, she would ask me to stand up on the ledge and count the lights. Or tell me to climb the tree to catch that squirrel that just scurried past us. At times, she would grab my hand and bolt with me down the road and ask me to carry her on my back to the top of the road once more. She would grab my umbrella and close it in pouring rain and then tell me to feel the drops hit my face. Seldom would I obey her requests, but when I finally did, her face would light up with the most alluring smile.
She had definitely fooled me with her image in college, for she was the furthest from ordinary. Her eyes always seemed to sparkle like a diamond in the darkness of a mine. Her voice had a certain warmth to it and wrapped around my heart like a cozy blanket. And most of all, her heart had the audacity to see the light in the darkest of abyss. Where my eyes would see the thorns, hers would see the rose. Where my tongue would speak of failure, hers would speak of courage. Where my hands would hang towards the earth, hers would rise towards the sky. She was the storm to my life’s eternal summer. One hot day would follow the other until she would arrive with gusts of wind and flashes of lightning and leave me with no time to run for shelter.
Every now and then, she would ask me a question that I had no answer to. “Why are your eyes so distant?”. “Why do you not make more friends?”. “Why do you not like the summer?”. I would just remain quiet while she would give me her inquisitive look and, after failing to get anything out of me, reply herself with what she thought was the answer. “Maybe because you can’t see what’s near you”. “Maybe because you have started to love loneliness”. “Maybe because winter resembles your heart more than summer”. At times she would get something right as well, like when she concluded the reason I liked coffee more than tea was because I was an evil monster.
Now, this particular evening, I decided I had had enough and I was finally going to ask her out. The sun had already gone down and the only light that remained came from the burning horizon. The wind had the smell of soil, for it had rained that day. The wet road, the refined greenery of the trees and the humidity in the breath, all played their part in creating this very romantic atmosphere.
As we sauntered down the road, I asked, “Why don’t we talk in college?”
Her reply was pretty simple. “Because you don’t come up to me.”
I was amused.
“Well”, I said after a while, “I think I like you.”
“Uh..okay?”
“So, will you be my girlfriend?” I finally posed the question.
“Yes.” she said, after a short pause, almost shy. I had never seen her shy prior to that.
Then me, using my brilliant skills with women, subtly slid my hand towards her and grabbed hers amidst the volcano of excitement exploding in my heart. I could sense her share a similar sentiment, for I could feel her fidget with excitement and make her pretty little hops and speak in a very animated way, as we walked hand in hand down this very road.
Just as we reached the ledge, she asked, “How many lights must be shining today?”
“About a thousand, maybe.” I said in a cheerful tone, “Shall I go count?”
“Yeah, go stand up.” She replied with the sweetest of smile and the most animated of voice,” Do they look any different?”
“What do you know? They do look different.” I said, gazing towards the city after having taken my fair share of time climbing up the ledge. “The whole evening looks different.”
“Yeah!” she replied with glee in her voice, “The evening is certainly beaut-“
Just then, I heard a loud screech and turned. A car stood there, still with its lights flickering. The bonnet of the car had drops of red splattered on it. And she lay just beside, her clothes red as well. The one who had been jumping with excitement the entire way was now silent on the ground, blood rushing out from her entire body. The reminiscence of that moment leaves me just as utterly stunned and nervous now, as it did back then. I jumped down and ran towards her, screaming her name with all my might. Ambulance arrived soon enough to halt my attempt of shaking her back to life. As they separated me from her and carried her inside, a glance at her face spoke stories. Muddled with blood and dust, it still retained the same angelic serenity as it had when the bird first chirped.
Not a hundred pats on her cheeks or a thousand cries in her ears or a million drops of tears made her eyes open that cold evening. Life certainly is cruel, isn’t it? The eyes that never failed to sparkle, shut so quick only to leave the ones that never sparkle wide open.