Suramya Pokharel - January 27, 2024
Having finished the tasks for the day, we headed to the college gate. On our way though, we met a friend of hers. I had seen this girl prior in the hallway and the stairs.
E— stood by to greet her and began a conversation with her. Me feeling quite social today, shook her hand and greeted her as well. Their conversation was certainly intriguing. Much less the content, much more the dynamics involved.
It was a typical meeting between people who are self-conscious, but not self-aware. It was like the new girl, let’s call her X, placed E— at higher status to herself subconsciously. And E—, sub consciously knows this as well. So, the dynamic is more like a superior talking to her inferior. And thus, X is in a constant attempt, without her even realizing, to somewhat win the approval of E—. Now the question is, why would X place E— higher than herself?
Simple. E— is more popular. She dresses well, puts on heaps of makeup, walks with a correct posture and all in all, has figured out methods, consciously or sub-consciously, to make herself look more attractive. She’s also on social media, constantly posting pictures and getting tons of attention. Most people from the college know of her, and she pulls more eyes towards her in general. Whereas X, from what I’ve seen, dresses usually in average clothes, does not really put on makeup, is not really active on social media, and I presume is not as popular in general. Thus, E— is treated as the bigger fish in the dynamic.
But, it’s all based on superficiality and insecurities in both parties. This is what I call an inverted hierarchy. Every third girl nowadays is an ‘Instagram Model’. Every single girl out there is hyper active on social media, sharing every detail of her life and thus, every second girl is popular. There are way too many attractive girls in this world of makeup, perfectly designed clothes and immaculate filters. The girl who really is unique then, would be someone who’s not really active on social media, does not care as much about her looks, is carefree about how she’s perceived and cares not about popularity. So, in truth, X is the one who’s more unique, and ranks higher in the actual hierarchy. If someone were to seek depth (whatever that means), they are more likely to find it in X, rather than E–. That is the true hierarchy. However, the sad part is, it’s not half as obvious to fools. Thus, both E– and X fail to realise it.
Also, X is the one who’s got higher chance of getting ‘lucky’ in life. Since, E– deals quite a lot in her world of superficiality, the odds increase that people will reach for her far more because of what she appears like, than what she actually is. Which means a lot of broken relationships, disloyal friendships and a room full of hurt. And what more? She’s more likely to gravitate towards people who are superficial as well. The odds are, the guys she gets into relationships with will tend to be with her for some ‘status factor’, or for some external ideal they think she portrays. The friends she’ll make, are more likely to feel envious and jealous of her. While X, although she’ll pull a lot less attention to her, is more likely to find more real dynamics in life. The attention she does get will either be from guys who genuinely like her, or are pretty darn insecure, and since girls have a good alert system to detect insecurities in men, the guy that likes her and whom she likes back, will most likely like her for her actual qualities. People are less likely to engage in friendships with her to become more popular or for some status upgrade and thus, she’s more likely to find more real friends as well.
Their conversation, however, was pretty short. E– bid her goodbye, and as we approached college gate, she asked me where I lived. After I told her, she relayed, “Then, we can go to the bus stop together.”
“Where do you live?” I asked
“Near [Place Name]”
“But, the busses for there, I presume, arrive in the station A,” I said. By this point we’d reached the college gate and stood just outside, discussing the logistics of bus routes.
“Yeah, where do you get the bus from?” she asked me.
“From the station B.”
“Why go so far? You’ll find busses to your place from A easily. And it’s nearer as well. And the busses are usually empty as well.”
“I know. But I go to B to get the bus.”
“Oh, okay” she replied, confused and maybe disappointed (I couldn’t really tell). “Goodbye then.”
“Bye.” We parted ways and I headed towards my station.
It’s the frequency of busses. At B, the busses I want arrive more frequently and thus, I have the luxury to pick and choose and wait. In station A however, the busses are less frequent and although there is a higher probability of finding a bus with an empty seat, the waiting time and lack of luxury to choose the bus is an issue. Besides, in A, if a bus comes jampacked I’ll have to take it anyways because the next bus will then arrive ten to fifteen minutes later. But, explaining all this to anyone else makes no sense really. Odds are you won’t be understood in the first place, and even if you are understood, people tend to think it’s too trivial a matter to put so much thought into.
Every meeting, then onwards, started to follow a common trend. She’d tell me things about herself, her friends and so on, and I’d add something of my own, provide some opinions when asked, and mostly just listen patiently. It’s funny how many things occur in so many people’s lives really, and how eager they are to be heard.
One day, she showed me a photo she’d just posted on Instagram, and asked pretty excited, “Look at this, is this not good?”
I took a glance. “Yeah.”
Then, she went on describing how the photo was so good, and the light was beautiful, and the color of her dress looked so nice, and so on. I was more astounded though, at how many comments were there already and her response was: “They’ll increase even more by the evening.”
“Hmm, nice.” I replied
“Yeah, perils of being this beautiful,” she said, being sassy.
It’s funny how cute she sounded there. Oh, the masculine instincts. Had it been a few years earlier, I’d have by this point been trying my best to get her, like all the guys around her are. She’d have been a symbol of status. Now however, the cuteness and popularity does not feel like much. I’ve become greedier. I want more. Something real. Something proper. Something better. Something rarer. And sadly, she’s the most common type out there. And unfortunately, all the social media attention does not translate to anything valuable in the real world, and she knows this not. And if she does, she does not realize it fully and will seek for it indefinitely until the realization hits. Thus, I doubt I can ever find anything of substance in her and if I do, it'll probably require a lot of peeling off of the superficial layers she has covered herself with. And, it makes no sense to expend so much effort on anyone because it's seldom worth the reward.
“Yeah, right.” I said in a sarcastic tone.
“Why?” she replied, still sassy and giggling, “Do you not think I’m beautiful?”
“No, you certainly are attractive.”
She was quite surprised at hearing that. “Really?” she said. “I didn’t think you’d say that.”
“Why?” I asked in a playful tone. “Do you not think you are attractive?”
“Not really,” she replied. I couldn’t quite conclude whether she was serious or being playful still.
“Don’t fuck with me, alright!” I replied back, laughing a little. “You definitely think you are.”
“No, yeah! At times, I think I’m really pretty,” she said giggling. “Other times, I think not so much.”
“Hmm,” I replied. “That’s because you think your status in the society is closely tied to how you look. Hence why, you still feel insecure about your looks.”
“No, not really insecure,” she replied back, getting quite defensive. “It’s just a feeli– I don’t know how to explain.”
“Well, in any case, there may be things you need to worry yourself about, but your looks is not one of them.”
“Thank you,” she replied, quite pleased and with a slight hint of shyness. “I never thought you’d compliment me.”
That made me burst into laughter. “I’m not complementing you.” I said laughing hard, “I’m just stating a fact.” Fucking hell. People really do hear what they want to hear, don’t they?
“In any case, I’ll take that as a compliment,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.
“Take it how you will.” I replied, still laughing a little.